Some time ago, my daughter, Tori, was trying to describe an idea she had. She was having trouble getting her point across and expressed her dilemma by saying, “It’s a thought without words.”
Since then, this has become part of our family’s vernacular. Whenever we can’t explain some idea, we say it’s a thought without words.
This last week, Carla and I were talking and she said, “really, all thoughts are thoughts without words. Our job is to pick the best words we can find to match the picture in our heads.”
For some reason, this really struck me and I can’t get it out of my head. Much of my communication is done with the intent to make other people understand what I want/mean/need.
I know the whole thing about listening without thinking of what you’re going to say next, but I still listen with a filter on all the time. I am constantly trying to figure out what the person speaking really means by interpreting what they say based on what I think they mean.
I THINK that where I’m going here is that I need to listen to other people, giving them opportunity and as much time as needed to explain the picture in their heads. When I ask questions, I want to ask them in clarification of what they said, not what I heard. I want to stop trying to force people to conform to what I think they meant and discover what THEY meant.
Does this make sense? I don’t mean this to be some great “look, I finally learned how to listen” kind of thing. This really is a radical departure from the way I communicate. Hopefully, there will be more to follow.
