Continued from "Controlled by Bit and Bridle."

My relationship with God is much more intangible. How does one measure success in their faith? Is it when I'm comfortable? When everything is going my way? How about when NOTHING is going my way? Does this mean I'm not successful? What about the persecuted church in other countries? Things aren't going their way, but they are, IMHO, better Christians than I'll ever be. How do I measure my level of faith? Does God love me more when I do what I'm supposed to do and then I'm successful? How can I measure God's love for me?

I think that may be the problem. It's not something I can measure. As much as I'd like to be able to quantify it, I can't. It doesn't matter how many mission trips I go on, how many people I help on the side of the road, how many peop

le I disciple, how much money I give, etc. None of this proves how good a Christian I am and none of it indicates how much God loves me. With this relationship, I am totally dependent on the other party, God, to give me my worth and reward.

That's hard. Instead of going to the places where I am successful, I have to go places where there is NO WAY I can succeed. It seems that the places God would have me go are places where I have nothing to offer. Believe me, I've got nothing to offer a man who's in prison for doing meth or a kid who lives in a plywood shack in a muddy colonia in Mexico. I've got nothing in common with these people; I'm a rich, white guy from Texas who has never been so desperate for escape that I would try drugs or known true hunger.

The only way I can be successful is to go to the cross; that place of ultimate defeat, and give my life away to him, the one who gave his life away for me. This is so crazy! It seems like the opposite of what should be true, but I know it's not. The only times in my life when I know I'm doing the right thing are the times when I'm doing something that the world says is foolish, but God says to do.

PS I know there are people reading this blog that have an opinion on some of this stuff. Please don't think I'm doing this just for my own therapy/glory. I'm really struggling with this stuff and would love to hear what others have to say. Let's talk about it in the comments. You don't even have to leave your name if you don't want to.